Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Monday, 18 July 2011

image for Murdoch Adds New Titles To His UK News Stable
Cash? That will do nicely Rupert.

Despite the growing global controversy which is engulfing News International, Rupert Murdoch has surprised media watchers by adding yet a further notable journal to his UK stable. This comes at a time when Murdoch was expected to sell his UK titles and flee the country.

Possibly unreliable reports from disgruntled ex-NOTW scribes have indicated that Murdoch has successfully obtained a controlling stake in Hansard, the daily parliamentary tabloid. One source, who wished to remain anonymous and arrived dressed as an Arab sheik, told us "The boss is not one to duck a fight. He doesn't take anything lying down. He's lost his beloved NOTW and will be wanting to put another fine British institution in its place".

Westminster sources have confirmed that Hansard is now under Murdoch's ownership.

A member of the Commons Select Committee on Media and Reality TV is believed to have said, "Whilst there should be no disruption to the publication of Hansard, one might do well to expect some editorial changes.

"Rather than it being a retrospective journal, each volume will now be written in advance and will provide the script for the particular parliamentary session or PM's Questions which it refers to. This will assist Members and Ministers to be crystal clear on what they can and can't say in the House. It will also help avoid those embarrassing questions which nobody really wants to have to answer.

"What we are really looking forward to, though, are the pictures of young ladies with perfectly formed breasts and the low down on who is shagging who".

It is understood that, if he can be located, Lord Lucan will be the new editor of Hansard.

As we were going to press, late reports indicate that Murdoch is now in negotiations to buy Jane's Police Review.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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