Leading Sunday newspaper, Ishmail on Sunday, has made a last minute bid for fallen flag ship floundering news rag, News of The World.
The respected Sunday news sheet has put the money on the table and invited Rupert Morecock to hand over the printing presses by Friday.
Editor in Chief of the Ishmail, Rabbi Goldenbalm, believes he can turn NoTW into a respectable family journal if given the chance.
Speaking outside the companies HQ in Hatton Gardens, London, he said.
"Oy what a shunda! what to do with the Hacks? Do they stay, or do they go? As my old uncle Shnozzle used to say! We want to make this journal, a place where people can come and read real news, about the real world, and not have any smut, nudity or fabrication. We are going to call it, Private eyevey! A family newspaper, for the masses".
Asked how the paper would change the way its reporters gather information and stories, Rabbi Goldenbalm replied.
"We have just purchased a large training complex in rural England".
Pressed to reveal the name of this training school, Rabbi Goldenbalm answered.
"Its called GCHQ, and has some great facilities for training Hacks, we will make sure, none of our reporters will be involved in the scandles that have befallen, News Of The World".