Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for Selby Man In Happy Slapping Incident While Watching John Wayne
Minx, the Bandersnatch's cat.

A Selby man was sitting quietly watching TV this afternoon when he was "happy slapped" by his wife.

Royce Bandersnatch, of Cumberbatch Rise, had been looking forward to watching the classic Howard Hawks western, El Dorado, featuring John Wayne, Robert Mitchum and James Caan, on Channel 5 all day.

"I got me chores out of the way nice and early like, so there were nowt to do when t'film started," Mr Bandersnatch said. "It's a right ace movie and I haven't seen it in yonks, so I were reet lookin' forward to it.

"Any road, it had just got to that bit where Cole and Mississippi had stopped to try out Mississippi's new gun when in rushes t'missus and gives me a happy slappin'!

"I blame media outlets like The Spoof for reporting these outbreaks - she allus wants to be involved in t'latest fads, so she gets on t'happy slappin' lark and gives me one right across t'chops."

Mrs Bandersnatch declined to comment but her husband added: "It's not too bad though - when she's a mood like this, it usually means more action later, at bed time, if you get me drift!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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