Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 15 July 2011

image for Grossly obese Scots couple scoop £161m Eurosquillions rollover
Liposuctioned human lard is a valuable renewable energy source much like recycled fish 'n' chip shop oil

Glasgow - A pair of middle-aged chinless blobs from Lard - er...Largs! - in Ayrshire won the record breaking jackpot after a seven week-long rollover.

Chris and Colin Weird (sic) said today they would be investing some of the dosh in gastric band ops so they could squeeze past the front door of their new luxury home.

Between them the couple appear to weigh more than 45 stone and might consider industrial-scale liposuction to aid any proposed weight reduction program.

Under Scottish green energy policy schemes surgically siphoned off fat can be sold to renewable schemes much like spent cooking oil from the local chippy.

"One day you could have Jeremy Clarkson fuelling his new high tech hybrid Maserati on arse lard processed in Scots post-lipo refineries," a Scots Power person commented.

The roll-out of the nationwide scheme was a clear winner in long-term renewables now that Peak Oil reserves have dwindled in the North Sea.

An official lottery source appeared dumbstruck by the suggestion, mooted amid the escalating global energy crisis.

"Sounds like something out of a Fight Club plot," a Lardarse Oil Inc person said today.

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