Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 10 July 2011

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A leafy west London suburb was recovering after another night of violence today.

Riot police had a long night trying to bring order to Chiswick after angry revellers went berserk after a golf club disco.

The trouble apparently began at Wyke Green Golf Club, Osterley, during a "captain's social" disco and barbecue.

"It was horrible," said eyewitness Deirdre Splunk, of Isleworth. "A group of people believed the advertising in the windows that said it was a 70's disco - others had even turned up in 70's clothes.

"But when the DJ played Money For Nothing by Dire Straits and followed it with more 80's records, the mood turned nasty."

A member of the audience apparently asked the DJ why he was playing "80's shite" and he announced that in fact it was a "70's and 80's night, with some 90's thrown in."

Ms Splunk said some of the crowd started demanding their money back and when they were refused the violence started. Chairs were thrown and windows broken.

Police were called and as rioters left the club running battles developed all the way back to Chiswick. The rioters threw up barricades in Turnham Green Terrace and hurled missiles until daybreak when they broke up.

A police spokesman said: "Riots? In Chiswick - again? You want to check your sources mate. Who gives you this stuff?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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