Written by Paul T Horgan
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Saturday, 9 July 2011

image for Konrad Adenauer Jailed For War Crimes
It is, in fact his fault

Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany from 1949-1963 Konrad Adenauer was yesterday jailed for waging aggressive war, war crimes and crimes against humanity by an Allied Military Tribunal.

Speaking after the sentencing, one of judges gave this explanation.

"Although Adenauer was not in charge at the time, and in fact was persecuted by the previous regime, we do feel that as a successor leader of a completely different country that happens to occupy the same space as the perpetrators, that he assumes responsibility for what his predecessors did, even though he had nothing to do with it whatsoever. Thus because they committed these atrocious acts, he has to suffer the penalty.

This may seem harsh and a tad unreasonable, but it is a novel interpretation of the law that we think will catch on in years to come. Blaming people for something they did not do because they happen to be around when you want to take terrible revenge and the culprits are long gone may seem nasty, but we'd rather not discuss that, so we're going to ignore this inconveniently accurate truth."

Rupert Murdoch is 80.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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