London Police announced today that famed psychic Barry Lastard II has turned himself in to authorities for breaking into the spirit worlds central switchboard.
Lastard, one of several psychics employed at The News of the World newspaper, turned himself in after the spirit of a long dead 19th century constable warned him of his impending arrest.
"It was clear as day, it was." said Lastard, referring to the spirit that warned him.
Lastard said he was scrubbing his back in the bath when a pair of handcuffs appeared out of thin air and dropped into the water. Lastard said he must have passed out because the next thing he knew he awoke handcuffed to his bed with a large sausage shoved up his bum.
"I took that as a warning, I did," said Lastard, "that I might be going to prison."
Lastard said he would be represented at trial by the spirit of Sir Thomas More, barrister of Lincoln's Inn in the 16th century, and later Lord Chancellor.