London - A mystery craft 'armed with a 1,000ft plunger' was seen servicing sewers under the newspaper HQ.
It then took off in a northerly direction leaving behind toxic contrails 'that looked awfully like the letters IOU'.
Witnesses described the event around the time of a 2008 solar eclipse as typical of the Virginia Street, London E98 UFO ratrun.
"We've been plagued by this sort of alien activity ever since the Blitz," Wapping char lady Mrs Doris Poke told the lunchtime news.
"They navigate by homing in on pensioners' hearing aids to convert electrical impulses into some sort of ET SatNav," Mrs Poke continued.
"Of course, pulling out any dental fillings and other pre-war dentistry tends to buffer the signal somewhat."
Others are keen to stress that 'pre-war' means before the 2003 Iraq conflict when alien activity in UK media is suspected of being at its peak.
Today's revelations follow reports that an extra-terrestrial sewage treatment plant may hold clues to what really went down the pan at Wapping.
The Pratts Bottom facility was raided today after a tip-off about strange gaseous cloud formations shaped like classic crap circles.
The Old Queen Mum's been dead 'since at least March 2002'.