A secret source within the Metropolitan Police has announced that the police were not able to recover Rebekah Brooks' computer hard drive because it had been eaten by her dog.
This is the second time the police have used this excuse for not investigating crimes that might dig up embarrassing facts about the police force, or the Government, or Rupert Murdoch.
Last year they claimed that John Prescott had eaten his own telephone, and that that was the reason they had been unable to investigate his phone hacking claims properly.
John Prescott is said to have been enraged by these latest claims. He is said to have said. "I've seen Rebekah Brooks' dog. Its a shi tsu. How can a shi tsu eat a computer that is 3 times bigger than it. Its not possible."
John Prescott has long been a campaigner against this kind of claim by police. We believe he is also a believer of the theory that the police refuse to investigate claims of theft by fat people because they couldn't be certain that they hadn't eaten the item they had reported stolen.
A member of the Metropolitan Police management force confirmed that they had received a complaint from John Prescott about discrimination against fat people 5 years ago, but they were unable to find it.
One policeman is said to have suggested that "Maybe it was eaten by a police dog. It happens."
"Em..." Said John Prescott. "No it doesn't."
By Katarina Frogpond.