Written by matthatt
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Topics: Monkey, Newspaper

Saturday, 9 July 2011

image for Monkey steals newspaper company to write news about himself
Rosebud!

A macaque monkey in Indonesia took ownership of a major news periodical from a distracted media mogul before publishing stories about himself in a variety of situations.

The primate went to investigate the printing equipment before becoming fascinated with his own reflection in the computer monitor used for typesetting pages, and it wasn't long before the crested black macaque hijacked the news empire and started running off hundreds of copies of a daily papers and sending it's rightful owners bananas.

One newspaper worker, David Innocentbystander said: "One of them must have accidentally knocked the printing press and set it off because the sound caused a bit of a frenzy."

At first there was a lot of grimacing with their teeth showing but the newspaper workers eventually calmed down.

One report said that 'They were quite mischievous jumping all over the equipment, and it looked like they were already finishing the gossip column when one hit the print button.'

The crested black macaque is extremely rare and critically endangered not unlike decent newspaper people themselves. They aren't known for being particularly clever like chimps, just inquisitive, which is what usually gets the journalists in trouble.

'Despite probably never having any contact with real humans before they didn't feel threatened by our presence, and that's why I could work with them during the day.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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