Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Astrologers' fury as Daily Star raided
Massive black holes have appeared in Red Top accounts

London - "It's all part of the Mayan Calendar prediction that the News of the World will end on Sunday!" gobsmacked Sky-watch sources complained this afternoon.

The dawn raid arrest of the Daily Star's royal scatology - er...eschatology - correspondent Clive Goodman comes amid mounting police suspicions of new Sky alignments in the ongoing phone hacking probe.

The Star-On-Sunday's HQ was being trawled by cyber forensics this afternoon as the shadow path of recent eclipses fell over Wapping.

Ex-NOTW employees Clive Goodman and Andy Cool-Sun were arrested in conjunction with investigations into corruption, officers from Operation Tweeting said today.

Their zodiac profiles are being compared to historic stellar counterparts - like Machiavelli - as massive black holes appeared in newspaper accounts.

Sunday's end-of-daze closure of the News of the World coincides with the end of Uranus' retrograde motion at four degrees Aries.

The last time the planet transited that degree of The Ram was in 1927
when a 8.6 magnitude tremor in Xining, China killed 200,000.

Expect a Red Top earthquake to strike any day now.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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