Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Sex mad vicars rejoice at News Of The World closure.
more tea vicar?

Thousands of perverted vicars are planning to celebrate the demise of The News Of The World.

The Sunday newspaper has been lifting the lid on the covert practices of vicars, judges and maths teachers since the 1950's.

But fears are now sweeping the Home Counties that hordes of sex fiends will be "at it" again, while innocent, decent and hardworking folk are kept in the dark about the perverts' 'activities'.

The Rev Roger Nonce 69, a dodgy vicar from Ugley Green in Essex, has told Doris Drivel from the Daily Mail: "I am delighted and can't wait to resume dogging sessions in the church car park without photographers hiding in the bushes."

Cyril Vice 69, a parson from Littlehampton and editor of 'Restoring Church Organs', is another relieved man: "I have come out of prison at the right time. I shall be auditioning boys for the new choir."

Hundreds of eminent judges are also quaffing expensive sherry and throwing their wigs into the air.

Sir Humphrey Nonce QC, whose hobby is collecting underwear worn by Ex-Conservative Prime Ministers, is planning a fancy dress party in his Chiswick garden: "I shall be wearing Mrs Thatcher's knickers and Harold Macmillans's string vest" said the excited High Court Judge.

Eric Nonce 69, a retired Maths Teacher from Dorking, has demanded the News Of The World return his 'Menstrual Cycle Charts of Female Tennis Players', a document that was stolen from his garden shed by a local pikey and sold to a journalist: "My photographs of Anna Kournikova were published without my permission" declared a rabid Mr Nonce.

Unnamed politicians, fishnet wearing cricketers and proprietors of self service launderettes will also be breathing a sigh of relief knowing they will "get away with it" without fear of being exposed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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