Written by IainB
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Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - David Pugh was a victim of phone hacking
Lilies at a wedding? What kind of monster is he?

Councillor for the Isle of Wight, David Pugh has come forward as yet another victim of the Snooze of the World Phone Hacking Scandal.

"It came to light that journalists were listening in on my telephone calls late last month," said Pugh. "Alison, the receptionist on the island had been taking bribes from journalists so they could listen to my conversations."

The Isle of Wight is the last place in the world where all calls are routed through a single, manually operated telephone exchange. The exchange has been a tourist feature since 1972 when the large glass window was installed, but Pugh is angling to have Alison replaced by a computerised exchange.

"We've spoken the telephone people," said Pugh, "and they've said they can upgrade the exchange in a couple of months. Apparently, this will also allow them to introduce something called broad band to the island. This seems to be important, and a lot of people are quite happy about it."

Not everybody will be a winner. Alison Spikes, the telephone operator who has been connecting people on the Island for fifteen years was in hiding, but was eventually located in the Jolly Sailor nursing a long one.

"It seemed pretty innocent at first," said Alison, who has barely used her surname and is known by the entire Island community solely as Alison. "This mainlander was so attentive. He'd buy me flowers and chocolates, and then he offered to pay my rent. All he wanted to do was listen in on a couple of conversations a week and rent is so high on the island. The extra ten quid a week came in really handy. And I've been listening in on conversations for years. That's how I knew about Doris's cat problem and the Robinson's teapot saga so early. But I don't want to talk about it."

The journalist that had corrupted poor, and now unemployed, Alison, had been using the fake name of Victor Nicolas, had completely vanished. All we know is that what ever he overheard, it never got published.

"Probably because all my sensitive communication is still done by pigeon," said Pugh. "And that's going to continue."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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