Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 7 July 2011

image for New weekend Red Top the 'Sunday Colon' is anagram of 'Andy Coulson'!
New subscriber to the Sunday Colon

London - The newly reborn News of the Screws is to be named after the Whopping, Isle of Dogs hero and sometime Head of Communications at No 10.

The new moniker is said to reflect the style of reporting favored by the once world-renowned organ.

Ex-NewsCorpse journo and political strategist Coulson resigned as the PM's mouthpiece last January in a bid to save his paymaster's ass.

Early evening news reporting tonight mentioned that he was a simple Essex lad, brought up in Wickford, Essex.

Coincidentally a few yards down the road from busted cyberhacker Ryan Cleary who brought down the UK's Serious Fraud Orifice earlier last month.

"Sure gives new meaning to 'The Only Way Is Essex', eh?" someone at the defunct rag said today details of the new title spread like er, wildfire.

The NOTW ex-hack has some strange previous of course, details of which have only just emerged.

In 2008 an employment tribunal upheld claims of bullying against editor Coulson and awarded an £800,000 payout to senior sports writer Matt Driscoll in an unfair dismissal case that rattled the paper.

A report on Channel 4 News tonight claimed the former Murdoch apparatchick (sic) 'could be arrested on Friday morning."

Rebekah Brooks is 44.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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