Written by Dr Jon
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Thursday, 7 July 2011

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No more. Please. No more. Just sod off.

Speculation was mounting today as to what the fuck it is that you can actually have on someone that is so good it stops them just bloody sacking you.

"I mean, are there actually some bodies on a hillside somewhere?" said media industry insider Gary Shitnose "He's just gone and killed a whole sodding newspaper and sacked two hundred fucking people."

"But she still has a fucking job!"

Harmless, though admittedly, bollocks, News of the World staffers, such as the lame bloody telly reporter and the bunch of pointless airheads employed solely to write crap about Jedward have been shown the door to Poor Street.

Meanwhile, wild rumours are circulating that the fucker who some say was meant to be in charge, and was either, according to various reports, too shit to notice it, too lazy to stop it, or god help you for suggesting it, up to her fucking eyeballs in it, is leading a bloody 'investigation'.

I mean, a bloody investigation. Never!

Speculation is mounting into what could possibly stop her boss just giving her her cards, which would be both a phenomenally popular move and really fucking funny.

There is some interest amongst analysts as to whether the guy will actually start publicly chopping off parts of his own body before bowing to the inevitable and sending her down the Swanee.

Whilst some sources suggest that she must have a polaroid of his wrinkly ass in the bath, others are focussing on the "knowing something about livestock" theory.

Still others think he's just plain scared that she'll punch his lights out.

Only an idiot would suggests, however that both he and his son knew all about this crap from the start, and unless they keep her sweet, given her basic level of moral rectitude, she won't hesitate to sell them up the creek.

In related news, this gang will soon own most of the Telly.

Great, looking forward to that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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