Written by IainB
Print this

Thursday, 7 July 2011

image for New Neighbourhood Watch Scheme to Quell the Rise of "Spam Visitors"
Not another one

British Telecom introduced a way of blocking unwanted sales calls called the Telephone Preference List (TPL) a few years before the Post Office introduced a similar service for unwanted circulars through the letterbox.

Now Neighbourhood Watch are introducing a similar scheme for door to door visitors, Spam visitors, if you will. Those unsolicited people that attempt to sell double glazing, shoe shine cloths, religion and electricity. New driveways, digital TV aerials, atheism and gas. Life insurance, carpeting, broadband and cleaning products.

"Spam Visitors, or Spivs, as I like to call them," said Head of Neighbourhood Watch, Curt Antwitch, "are a blight on our society. They turn up, usually while you're eating dinner, and try and keep you talking hoping that you're going to be polite and not just close the door."

People who have signed up to the Neighbourhood Watch scheme can call on the local neighbourhood annoying door-to-door blocker (or Ad-Blocker) should a Spiv come knocking.

"We have trained our ad-blockers well," said Antwitch. "They say things like 'there will be no sale here; and 'it would be a better use of your time if you were to attempt your pitch elsewhere', which is polite, but lets the Spiv know that there is no point them spending any longer at that door step."

Antwitch knows it's only a matter of time before the Spivs up their own game and fight back.

"We're now in an arms race," said Antwich. "I expect that we will need to train our Ad-Blockers in self defence before to long."

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 5?

9 16 10 17
41 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more