Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Topics: Toilet

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

image for Wickerman Festival Disappearance Frightens Locals
Could Portaloo chemicals be responsible for disappearance of Festival-Goer?

Local residents of a Scottish Village have been frightened by the disappearance of an early arrival at this year's Wickerman Festival.

The festival-goer who went by the name of Todd, was seen in the local pub a week ago. But, although he said he would return to the pub because he liked their flat sausage and potato scone rolls, he never came back.

Villagers were especially worried because he seemed to be very interested in a local ghost story. That story was the story of the man eating Wickerman Porta Loo.

Rumour has it that the automated Porta Loo started off as just an ordinary festival Loo, but over the ten years that the Wickerman festival has been running, it has evolved to developed a taste for students.

35 students went missing at last year's Wickerman festival and 121 went missing at Glastonbury. The Porta Loo has been linked to several other Festival disappearances in other parts of the country. This cannot be confirmed, however, because the Porta Loo devours its victims so completely with chemical toxins and cunningly camouflaged metalic teeth, that there is never any evidence to incriminate the Porta Loo left over at the end of its attacks.

5,000 people go missing in Britain every year and, up until now, no one has ever linked the disappearances to man eating Porta Loos. But an expert from Wicki Leaks Toilet manufacturers, the leading toilet manufacturers in the whole world, said "It was only a matter of time before this kind of thing ocurred. The chemicals that are used in the toilets at festivals seem to have brought the toilets to life and given them man eating properties. Its just an unfortunate fact of evolution."

Locals in the pub near the Wickerman Farm say "The poor man who disappeared has obviously gone to see if he could do battle with the demon Porta Loo, and got eaten instead. It happens."

A spokesman for the festival was unable to comment because he seems to have disappeared too, but a local village sheep dog was heard to say. "I think the solution is probably a lamp-post. No lamp-post has ever eaten anyone"

Police have appealed to Wickerman Festival goers to be on the look out this summer for anything they consider suspicious. Especially Porta Loos that appear to have teeth.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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