Written by Alex99
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Wednesday, 6 July 2011

The News of the World CEO, Ms Rebekaaaaaaah Brooks has been gone missing and is believed to have been kidnapped by aliens who then flew that woman to North Korea.

Kim Jong Ill likes kidnapping people and after reading about Rebekaaaah in the UK he decided to kidnap that woman because he needed to replace his espionage chief who was killed during the assassination attempt on Kim Jong Ill on 5th July.

Nobody seems to care where Rebekaaah is at the moment. The police seem to be apathetic and she is already classified as a cold case even though she only went missing ten minutes ago.

Thanks to phone hacking technology many people deliberately erased all her cries of help to the police. According to a police transcript of her final 999 call, Ms Brooks screamed, 'Aaaaaaaaah' and the Indian caller centre asked her to repeat what she had just said fifteen times. They asked if she was ok and then gave her the number of a karoake bar.

'I am being kidnapped!' she is alleged to have screamed.

'So, your kid is taking a nap?' came the reply.

We went over to the silly idiot PI who used to work at the News Of The Sophist's Wurlitzer and spent hours stalking the man. In the public interest we can tell our readers that he went out at 10am, had breakfast with an unknown woman at 1045, returned home to dear wifey at 1106, picked up a package from Qaeda at 1232,bought some smack at 1323, downloaded a load of porn videos between the hours of 1452-1743, met another beautiful woman at 1832, bought a blouse at 1932 from Greggs, tried on the blouse at 2045, made love to his wifey at 2134 and collapsed into bed thirty seconds later.

No interview there-he has cut his tongue out so as to maintain his vow of silence and so we rang the cops to see if they could help us. 'Rebekaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, who? they asked. 'Didn't she used to work as a toilet cleaner at Booker Cash n Carry in Stirchley?

Good luck Mr Kim-Mr Murdoch is out to git you! Go get em tiger!Just don't forget your zimmers guys.

For the News of the Sophist's Wurlitzer shutdown see Help Me I Am In An Alien Spacecraft!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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