Written by Ho Lee Crap
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Monday, 4 July 2011

image for Crop Circle Discovered In Pensioner's Garden
An artist's impression of what a giant penis crop-circle might look like.

[Burnley Echo] Conspiracy theorists were buzzing today after photographs were published of what appears to be a crop circle in a pensioner's garden. The out-of-this-world design, which resembles a giant penis, was first spotted by eager-eyed grandmother Mavis Pickle from the top deck of a bus which passed by the garden in Lower Stokely Road, Pringle.

Wangs for the Memory

'I couldn't believe it' she told the Echo. 'At first I thought it was a rocket ship but after staying on the bus and passing by a few more times, I came to the conclusion that the design more closely resembles the old-feller of a boyfriend I used to date back in 1952. Perhaps he was from Mars?'

Cock Around the Clock

Pensioner Albert Growler who lives at the property declined to comment but neighbour Irene Googly who lives two doors away told The Echo 'It doesn't surprise me at all. He's a right old codger always moaning at the teenagers in the street. They probably did it as a prank. If you look closely, you can make out the words "piss off grandad" around the base'.

Linda Moulton-Howe

Local psychic channeler 'Misty Zetatalk' was one of the first people to investigate. 'It's definitely genuine' she claimed. 'My Hopi elder contacts on Alpha Centauri channeled me last week to confirm that as the earth continued to cross the galactic equator, more evidence of the existence of our inter-planetary relations would come to the fore. I saw something similar in the car-park of Pound Stretcher last Tuesday as I was going to sign-on. But that was spray paint.'

Schlong Tall Sally

Originally thought to be a message from space aliens, interest has already been shown on the web with photographs of the design appearing on sites such as AboveTopSecret, UfoXFiles and AnnSummers. Mohammed Ali Khan, spokesperson for the Muslim Co-Operative of Stokely West and Upper Pringle said the design was nothing short of an insult to Islam and called for the introduction of Sharia law into the Pringle area.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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