Local woman, Anne Shuttlecock, woke herself up tonight waiting for the David Haye v Wladimir Klitschko World Heavyweight Championship fight, which was being beamed live via satellite from Hamburg, Germany.
Insiders say that Anne Shuttlecock fell into a deep sleep after tolerating her hopelessly inept husband trying to dig up the back garden in order to build a ten room underground extension to the couple's residence.
When it became apparent that husband, Martin wasn't going to excavate much deeper than about eight inches, the attempt was abandoned, and the couple went to the local 24 hour garage to buy bread, milk and beer.
Unfortunately, Anne dozed off on the sofa watching a television programme about celebrities giving ordinary people marriage advice. When it got to the point where a gay couple from the Midlands were in dispute over one's infatuation with trains, Anne fell asleep.
Bored shitless no doubt by that smug, supercilious, self aggrandising twat, Jimmy Carr (Shuttlecock's description.)
Some time later, Anne woke up, roused by the volume of her own snoring.
"I just woke meself up," she muttered.
"Yes, you certainly did," Shuttlecock replied.
"I wanted to see the fight, but I'm so tired...I'm going to bed," Anne said.
"That's alright," Shuttlecock mumbled. "It's twenty quid on pay per view and I wasn't paying that."
In what was described as a "pretty dull contest" David Haye's little toe lost on points, Shuttlecock saved twenty quid, Anne went to bed, and everybody was happy.
Except David Haye.
More as we get it.