Wimbledon, England: After viewing the first set of Wimbledon's semi-finals between Rafael Nadal and Andrew Murray, the Queen leaned over to her gentleman in waiting seated to her left and was overheard to inquire: Why did Mr. Nadal repeatedly appeared to pull his shorts out of his crack and then brush his fingers to his nose.
It is called his 'shorts routine' explained the gentleman in waiting. Be that as it may, the Queen was overheard to continue, why doesn't he simply invest in a larger pair of tennis shorts? The gentleman in waiting explained that it had nothing to do with the size of his shorts. Well then, she gingerly inquired, is it the size of his ass?
It was a habit of Mr. Nadal's and it is how he plays the game.
Terribly impudent of him, particularly when he is standing just a few feet in front of me down below and on live television and before a viewing public of millions. I don't remember Gordon Brown doing anything remotely of that nature whilst addressing Parliament. Haven't seen Mr. Cameron behaving in such a fashion. Maybe Winston Churchill...
She remained silent until his next service and the habit was demonstrated once again: shorts pulled out of crack and fingers to nose.
Perhaps he requires some sort of ointment or more frequent bathing, the Queen suggested. She went on to argue, that if she were to pull her ermine cape out of her crack followed by finger sniffing, each time she finished a sentence when addressing an opening session of Parliament, and that ermine cape is like hauling a locomotive, she would be given an early retirement, and dispatched to Glamis Castle for the rest of her years.
"Mum, Mr. Nadal is winning the match."
Distracted, she confessed to failing to follow the score of the match. However, if the shorts-finger routine is what is required to win a Wimbledon match for the United Kingdom, perhaps the government should invest in a pair of tighter shorts for Andrew Murray and bring the trophy back to Great Britain.