Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today revealed that he plans to sign up for satirical website www.TheSpoof.whatever in order to write accounts of his own misfortunes, as opposed to letting his ex-friend Skoob write about his misadventures and garner all the Spoof points.
It seems that following a hard day of digging his own underground complex in his back garden, Shuttlecock logged on to TheSpoof.whatever in order to write about his amazing adventure - only to find that his ex-friend, Skoob, had beaten him to it.
"The man's a complete and utter bastard!" Shuttlecock raged. "There was me, thinking he was my friend, and all this time, he's been taking advantage of me and recording my exploits on the website, raking all the points in, and he's given me nothing in return. The tight bastard!"
In response, Skoob stated that he didn't know what the heck Shuttlecock was rambling on about, as without his documentation, Shuttlecock would just be a nobody, who nobody has ever heard of, and that Shuttlecock should at least get the drinks in, because he got his fifteen minutes of fame, courtesy of the blood, sweat and tears of the one-time Salford scribbler.
Currently based near Portsmouth.
Shuttlecock related that he was left angry and confused by what he sees as Skoob's betrayal.
"I thought old Skooby was all right," Shuttlecock grumbled. "But it turns out he's been a right twat all along. He's been living off my name for too long, so I shall sign up as a writer on the Spoof and document my own idiotic true-life misadventures. It's all 'ME! ME! ME!' with that Skoob. The man's a pillock. I suppose I should have known. You have to be a pillock to wear a pigging pork pie hat."
More egomaniacal ramblings as we get them.