Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Local Man Says He's Going Underground
Shuttlecock Gets Stuck In On Phase One

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today started digging a big hole in his back garden. The excavation is reported to form the first phase of Shuttlecock's plan to: "go underground, like pop/new wave trio, The Jam did, back in 1980. But not on a train or anything."

Shuttlecock's plan to go underground was formulated after detractors in his family accused him of being 'too commercial' and 'a bit of a cop out.'

Shuttlecock explained to observers that he'd heard all about going underground in music, and comic books and stuff like that, so he'd decided to get in on the act before a long standing knee injury could prevent him from doing so.

Unsure how to proceed with the concept of going underground, Shuttlecock decided that one way of approaching undergroundness would be by digging a big hole out in the back garden.

This morning, armed with a spade, Shuttlecock started digging. He told reporters that he planned to build a subterranean network of rooms, probably about nine or ten in total, which he plans to use as an extension of the Shuttlecock dwelling.

"I'll probably stop at about ten rooms," Shuttlecock told reporters. "You know, once I've done the underground office, the living space, the sauna, the kitchen, the office, the 32 seat cinema, the music studio and the wet room. That should be enough. I'll be proper underground by the time I've dug that lot out. I expect it'll take about a month to get it all up and running. I'll probably make one of the rooms up to look like a cave. I've always wanted a cave of me own, ever since I was a little lad."

A crowd of curious onlookers gathered, taking it in turn to peep over the fence, as Shuttlecock started digging.

After five solid hours of digging, Shuttlecock finally abandoned his first day of excavations, having reached a depth of approximately eight inches. Declaring that he had a sweat on and that digging holes is thirsty work, Shuttlecock went down the local 24 hour garage to buy some cold beer. He said that the work was proving harder than he'd initially anticipated, and admitted that he was close to accepting defeat.

"Maybe I was never meant to go underground," he said.

"He really is a daft bastard," long suffering wife Anne added.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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