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Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Trouble Flares In Burnley As Petra Kvitova Beats Maria Sharapova In Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final
Police Guarding A Burnley Pie Shop Moments Ago.

Police in full riot gear are struggling to maintain order in Burnley, Lancashire, as fans of Russian tennis star, Maria Sharapova went on the rampage, following their heroine's Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final defeat to Czech, Petra Kvitova.

The trouble is thought to have been sparked by drinkers in a town centre public house, where a party of Kvitova supporters from nearby Blackburn were celebrating their girl's victory. Scuffles broke out and blows were exchanged before the fight spilled over into the street.

According to witnesses, it didn't take long for the situation to escalate, and subsequently spiral out of control. At one point, two vehicles were overturned as the mob turned on the police, pelting officers with rocks and petrol bombs. A number of pie shops were specifically targeted by the troublemakers.

A police source informed reporters that officers were prepared for trouble, should Burnley's Russian idol lose - which she did in straight sets, 6-3 6-4 - but not prepared for the ferocious reaction on the streets.

"It's sheer hell out there right now," one battle weary officer remarked. "When we saw the screeching Russian lose the second set, we got ready to face the worst. It's a good job I'd finished me pie and peas."

At the time of going to press, the situation was described as being "out of control and exremely volatile," with reports of further outbreaks of violence across the town emerging on a minute by minute basis. Three pie shops were forced to close early.

"It's nowt to do with tennis, this," a shopper, caught up in the mayhem complained. "They're just out to cause trouble. It'll be tea time soon. They'll probably all go home then. Although I don't know where their pies will be coming from. As far as I can see, all the pie shops are shut."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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