Written by Captain Dopey
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Friday, 25 November 2005

image for Cameron To Join Rolling Stones
A Rolling Stones Fan on hearing the news

The Conservative leadership candidate David Cameron has joined The Rolling Stones. Mr. Cameron has astonished the world of politics by defecting to The Stones due to "irreconcilable differences' with the Tory Party and a desire to "get back onto the road again and connect with the kids". In an interview in the ‘Beatster' column in this week's edition of the New Statesman, Mr. Cameron justified his decision: "I felt that the Party had lost its groove. The Stones now represent everything I've ever believed in. Admittedly, they had a trace of the ‘Urban Rapscallion' image about them in the Sixties, but they've matured and I now feel they represent the way forward for this country".
Asked about the reasons for this sudden conversion, Mr. Cameron told us: "I was listening to my old LPs - and I confess, I'd been smoking a little ‘tea' - when I began to notice the vision, the ambition and the aspirations expounded in their songs. Take ‘Brown Sugar', for instance, and the line about being ‘sold in the market down in New Orleans'. Now if that doesn't paint a buoyant, entrepreneurial image of a city being reconstructed after the misery of disaster, then I'm a crazy chick". Mr. Cameron went on: "I felt the Conservative Party was becoming too square. At the last meeting I attended at Central Office, a number of my former colleagues were of the opinion that, for this nation to move forward, we had to stick to the same old ‘it's Trad, Dad' policies. I told them that they just weren't where the vibes are, and I realized I had to turn on, tune in and drop out".
Keith Richards, The Stones' guitarist, said of Mr. Cameron: "Cat's got a sound, y'know? I like his shit. Leopardskin ties, that kinda bag. Layin' down speeches don't cut the ice. Blowin' down some jive is more where it's at". This sentiment was echoed by Sir Mick Jagger: "Yeah".
Mr. Cameron's rival for the leadership of the Party, Mr. David Davis, commented: "Well I must admit it came as a little bit of a surprise, but I wish him well in his new job. He will, I'm sure, give the band some zest, spontaneity and a fresh direction. It's a pity he can't actually play anything".
Fans can catch the new-look Stones at Lord Rockingham's Banquet Hop, Knightsbridge, where they are resident from early December to July 2008.

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