Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 27 June 2011

image for 'He was my rock' says Cameron amid dead Tory 'cocaine claims'
Aaaaargh! Big Dave's going bonkers at the news

Oxon - Officials at Central Orifice are said to be 'cracking up' amid admittedly unsubstantiated reports that Christopher Shale 'had traces of the class-A drug on him'.

The 56 year-old Tory appartchick (sic) vanished for some 20 hours before being discovered on Sunday morning, slumped over, in a Glastonbury portaloo.

Pathologists employed high tech 'fracking' techniques today to forage for trapped traces of the narcotic as the weekend heatwave made the task all the more difficult in determining the cause of death.

The news has shocked No 10 who moved heaven and earth to persuade national TV broadcaster the Beeb to drop any mention of 'found dead in a toilet' from its coverage of Shale's untimely demise.

Also missing from reportage were earlier claims of Shale's 'suicide' amid the publication of some damning comments he'd made about local recruitment to Oxfordshire Tories.

Today there were blackouts on the party's Tooting Sodbury constituency windows as local true blues rallied round in a frantic damage limitation exercise.

Larry, the No 10 mog, is allergic to cheese.

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