Written by IainB
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Monday, 27 June 2011

image for Derek Acorah to run for Prime Minister
Acorah's Eye, yesterday

Derek Acorah, the world famous psychic, and only real conduit between the living and dead that has silver hair, has announced that he is to run for Prime Minister.

"The ghost of Michael Foot came to Derek," said Acorah's close friend and adviser, Eric Pickles. "He told him that the country was so badly in debt, what it needed most was a prophet."

Acorah has long been the foremost prophet in the world, and regularly holds court with kings and queens from across Europe and time.

"Only last week," said Pickles, "Derek was chatting with Henry the Eighth, learning about the medieval practice of hay rolling. Derek admitted it was a bit of an eye opener. It probably won't be a practice that he'll be reintroducing when he becomes prime minister. Too many health and safety issues with hay fever and allergies."

Acorah has several unique traits that would make him the ideal candidate for running a country. His ability to read auras will prove invaluable when dealing with foreign heads of state, whilst the vast army of the passed over will provide him with plenty of intelligence to keep the country safe during the war on terror.

"What people don't know," said Pickles, "is that Derek was instrumental in locating Bin Laden. There is nobody who can hide from his legions of the dead."

David Cameron is so impressed with Acorah's CV, that he is considering holding a general election the day that Acorah plans to stand. The only possible fly in the ointment is that Ormskirk, where Acorah will be standing, is a Labour stronghold, and Michael Foot told Acorah to be wary of the Millibands. It was either that, or he told him to wear a headband. Sometimes the voices don't come through very clear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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