London - Secret plans to elevate His Royal Altitude to the rank of Canada's governor-general are being rolled out by the government.
The position comes with a raft of attractive gravy train handouts - including an annual $500,000 dress allowance for his hard-nosed gold-digger wife Kate.
The move would solve the tricky problem of kitting out the ambitious social climber whose ten year career of stalking an HRH title now needs new, bolder direction.
As the pair prepare for their first totally useless 9-day vanity visit abroad No 10 has issued strict instructions about the permanent shredding of 'uncomfortable' documents.
These concern the couple's actual matrimonial status prior to the entirely spurious April 29 London nuptials.
This afternoon the Whitehall rumor mill was in fine fettle as details emerged that Kate may have actually been married already - 'to a senior Cabinet member with responsibility for the nation's finances'.
Secret CCTV footage seen by spoofy news sources shows her practising writing her newly acquired matrimonial name soon after her 18th birthday - on credit and debit cards, cheques and other financial instruments
"Kate's a class act," handwriting interpretation sources commented, "same as all House of Windsor impostors.
"We'll give her until the next dire solar eclipse and them it's curtains."
Camilla Fucker-Proles is in a cold sweat.