Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 22 June 2011

image for Queen fires tarot reader over 'treasonous' prediction of her RIP
You know I'm an Immortal, don't you George?

London - The trusty retainer's 10-card spreads have seen her alright for nigh on 30 years.

Now Monty Liverish-Gusset RVM (and bar) has been told to bugger orf amid predictions 'the Queen's about to drop dead'.

His latest reading showed 'loads of swords' as well as major arcana cards like Justice, The Hanged Man, The Devil and Death.

But to be scrupulously fair to the old scryer of dismembered entrails the cards were actually chosen by the Queen herself.

However a run of dodgy luck - cumlinating in advice to back three-legged no-hoper Carlton House in the Epsom Derby - may have done for the royal seer.

"Her Majesty's right pissed off with the latest Solstice prediction," Palace chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon told reporters today.

"She utterly rejects the suggestion that a heroic act of hari kari would actually endear her more to the plebeian masses than a long, drawn-out debilitating infirmity.

"Anybody seen the Palace's arsenic stash?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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