Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Prison, Crime, criminals

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

image for Criminals no longer to be offered "two for the price of one" on serious crimes
Crime doesn't pay. It doesn't even offer 50% off now.

A controversial scheme in which criminals were allowed to commit two crimes but only go to prison for one of them has been scrapped. Minister of Justice Herbert Folly has said he will no longer try to get the law enacted, explaining that when he had drafted the idea, he completely forgot about the opinions of the tabloids.

Criminals are the ones most likely to lose out from the cancellation of the scheme. Hitman Kevin Thug was looking forward to the new law. He regularly offers clients a "two for one" deal on kills, and was planning to make this available permanently. However, it isn't always easy money, as Kevin explains:

"Most of my clients are housewives who want their husband dead. If they're offered a free extra hit, they don't know what to do with it. Usually they'll find a friend who wants their husband dead too, but that's only good if they can keep it quiet. Sometimes they'll have to come back and get me to silence their blabbermouth friends as well, which is where the two for one offer really comes in useful."

Instead, the government will revert to its earlier plan of "three for two", which will make life more difficult for entrepreneurial hitmen everywhere.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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