Anti-war campaigner, Brian Haw, who died of cancer last Friday has reportedly set up an 'anti-cancer' camp at the 'Pearly Gates' and is refusing to move on until God removes cancer from his portfolio of ways to die.
An apolplepletic St Peter is said to be infuriated that Mr Haw has refused his entry to heaven by exercising his right to protest whilst making an unholy mess at the first of the twelve gates to Heaven.
St Peter, speaking through divine sources, said, 'This is some of the most holy terrain in Christianity and he has simply taken up residence directly opposite the entrance to heaven claiming he will not move until cancer is removed from the death roster, which is wholly impractical.'
'Aside from that, what sort of an impression does it give people who spent all their lives working hard to insure they live by the Bible hoping to pass through the Pearly gates only to see Mr Haw defecating on top of a nearby cloud surrounded bush when they get here, all in the name of a protest almost as idealistic as seeking permanent end to war on Earth.'
'We were all for his stance at Westminster, of course but come on, spare a thought for everyone else.'
'I'm sure, If he would only enter Heaven, God could secure him a prime spot to air his grievances, but well out of the sight of any passing dignitaries such as John the Baptist.'
Pope Benedict said he was concerned at the precedence of Mr Haw being allowed to take up residence beside St Peter.
'Where will it all end if we allow one man the right to protest at the entrance to Heaven?'
'Not to mention the fact that he is re-writing the scriptures by being in a nether land neither in heaven or hell or even purgatory.'
'Its as noble as it is foolish.'