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Monday, 20 June 2011

image for Queen's Summer Solstice torment as Phil the Greek's EU bailout bombs
Can't you lean on those EU bastards so we get our $$$s bailout, George?

London - Eurozone gravytrain committee astrologers have laughed off Prince Philip's demands for an immediate 12bn euro ($17bn/£10bn) austerity handout.

A Brussels statement issued today said he should join his wife Queen Elizabeth in a voluntary bankruptcy package 'before the Summer Solstice does it for him'.

The sun's annual ingress into the sign of Cancer on Tuesday sees nervous market moves to dump the cold war geriatrics from the global equation.

Palace sources said today the royal pair were deep in the doldrums at the news as they headed for Monday's Beating Retreat pageant at the Tower of London.

The spectacle, which normally takes place in Whorseguards Parade, is the military's way of saying goodbye, good riddance and shut the door behind you.

"The lads are pretty much cheesed off with all that spurious Prince William crap," one of the Tower's Beefeaters commented this afternoon.

"Some reckon it would be karmically ironic if Old Fatty Mountbatten croaked it on William's 29th birthday tomorrow."

The Pretender's heir-of-the-dog apparent was born just after the sun's entrance into Cancer in 1982.

Insiders reckon he seems unfazed by the astrologically charged Saturn Return birthday - 'probably because he's just an impostor impersonating the dead princelet'.

But on the High Street bookies have slashed the odds for Queen Elizabeth's Summer Solstice RIP to 2/1.

Comet Vlad the Impaler remains ever close to her death star chart.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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