The government are to reward responsible dog owners who pick up their dog's excrement. Under a new scheme, due to start in October next year, the dog owners will be paid £1 for every dog turd they present at their local Post Office.
To ensure their is no cheating, Post Office staff will be specially trained to sniff out the genuine article. Another stipulation is that the dog must attend with the owner.
"We don't want people walking the streets picking up doggy doo just to cash in." said government spokesman Eric Van Dyke. "This is also a way of safe guarding the future of Post Offices, some of whom have been under threat of closure due to a lack of customers."
Pensioner Arthur Shatfield of Fish Ponds, Bristol said, "I think this is a great idea. Me and my wife Susan are living on the breadline at the moment. We have seven dogs, so this could be worth more than £150 a week to us. It may just be shit to the rest of you, but this is our bread and butter."
Simon Golightly of Berwick On Tweed was less enthusiastic. "It won't be the first time the government have wasted money on a load of shite."