Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 19 June 2011

image for British Scientists make Big Spud!
Small Fry

British scientists have produced a new genetically modified potato. Called 'The Lonely', each plant can only produce one solitary spud, it will be available for us to buy in Britain's greengrocers and supermarkets later this year.

Producing just one potato from each plant is not a problem as the single spud can grow to the size of a car boot after just six weeks from planting. None that size are likely to be seen on the shelves of supermarkets though as the younger four week old potato is said to be much more tasty, and at four weeks will on average already be the size of a beach ball.

Expected to prove popular as a chipper - a single chip could be as much as two feet in length - fast food establishments like fish and chip shops will have to take care not to break existing trade description rules making sure their menu and price boards clearly show fish and CHIP rather than fish and CHIPS when selling meals containing just a single chip to customers.

"The health minister has also raised concerns about having this new hi-tech potato being sold as a jacket" admitted a spokesperson for the health department yesterday explaining, "There is already a growing concern about obesity in Britain today. The problem will not be helped by having people being sold enormous jacket potatoes the size of beach balls to eat. It may be that this giant potato will have to be banned from being sold as a jacket, or be restricted to perhaps quarter jacket or even eighth jacket size portions."

The good news for fat people is that they'll be able to tell their friends how they've cut down to eating just an eighth of a jacket potato for dinner and yet still contiue to scoff down the same quantity as they'd been scoffing down before going on their diets. The 'lonely' seems certain to become a firm favourite with Britain's fatties!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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