A national survey today found conclusive evidence that just about everything that has gone wrong is due to the involvement of a social worker.
Government sources found that in many cases, tough, stringent fiscal measures have foundered due to the inaction of social workers who spend approximately 80% of the working day slumped over their desks under a pile of paperwork crying, 15% percent of the day angrily reading each other articles in the Guardian and only 4% of the day actually getting down to the vital business of ticking boxes on forms. The other 1% of the day is spent frantically freeing the hems of their Kaftans from lift doors.
On the other hand, it is very likely that the problems many Britons are entirely due to the failure of social workers to obtain them housing benefits, plead their case in job centre return to work reviews, pay their bills and stop them hitting their kids, all tasks that they could easily accomplish whilst their clients are smoking Lamberts in front of Jeremy Kyle.
Ironically, it is the very fact that most social workers voted Liberal Democrat, because they got into a self righteous paddy about the Iraq war and failed to notice they were voting for a right wing public schoolboy with the same politics as Douglas Hurd, that got us into this situation in the first place.
In a late development, it is clearly the fault of social workers that your car has got a parking dint in its door, because if there's one thing fucking hippies can't do, it's drive.