Written by Hannigan
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Topics: University, Students, Bed

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Following the conclusion of his second term at Westminster University, Duncan Gilmore announced today that he had spent the entire duration of his second term at the institution without a duvet cover.

"After I washed it I just could figure out how to get it back on again," confessed the 19 year old Bio-Chemistry student, to a kitchen full of unimpressed flat-mates.

Gilmore informed reporters that on his arrival in university halls his mother had made his bed for him, it was only following his return to halls after Christmas that Gilmore decided to wash the filth encrusted bed linen, discovering afterwords that he had no idea of how to return the duvet to the cover.

"It just wouldn't fit inside it properly! How are you supposed to stop it scrunching up and stuff?" stated Gilmore, attempting to defend his sleeping habits. In response to the allegations his mother claimed to be "disappointed" in her son's inability to make a bed and felt she had, "failed him as a mother" for not teaching him such vital skills before he left to live alone.

Gilmore claims he is determined to learn how to make a bed over the summer period hoping it might help him actually get laid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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