Written by Gordon Clarke
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Saturday, 18 June 2011

If they win the next election, the Labour Party promise to help people who are too lazy to walk, by providing them with free mobility scooters.

At first, due to financial problems, this benefit will apply only to the unemployed. Later, when the national debt has increased to the point of bankruptcy, mobility scooters will be made available to all lazy people.

These top of the range scooters will be fitted with a cigarette lighter and ash tray as standard. A high visibility jacket, with the badge of the drivers favourite football team on the back, will also be issued as a safety measure.

Public transport will be adapted to provide access and power points, so that batteries may be recharged on route.

Public houses will also be made more accessible, again with power points, so that batteries can be recharged while the driver pisses the tax payer's money up the wall.

Labour Party spokesperson Ms Hilary Woodenhead admitted, "We know this proposal will cost millions, but if we don't look after these people, who will? Certainly not the Alliance."

Mr Hugh Jarse spokesman for the fat and lazy said, "Mobility scooters are the way forward. In fact in our case, they are the only way to get anywhere."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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