Conservative MP Philip Davies has suggested disabled people should offer to be paid less than the minimum wage in order to give them a chance of getting jobs which would otherwise go to able bodied people.
A sliding scale of disabilities has been drawn up. People in wheelchairs should get £1 less than the minimum wage, those with false legs 50p less, those with mental health problems nothing but an imaginary wage.
'Those with mental health problems are full of fantasies' said one Tory MP 'why not give them some more. An imaginary wage could be very helpful'
The economic downturn is likely to be stopped by these measures, together with many people working extra hours for nothing and volunteers being taken on for 'job experience'.
'If employers can't make a profit with people getting imaginary wages or no wages they should be sent to a hospital for incurable oafs' shouted a backbencher in the Commons who saw his future as the Chancellor of the Exchequer beckoning as double dip recession sets in.
A note from Downing Street delivered to the BBC's blind political commentator declared that, due to his disability, he would only get half of all political statements in future.