Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 17 June 2011

image for Ryan Giggs sex headline helps Rochdale man get his false teeth in
Albert Nonce without his false teeth.

A newspaper headline about Ryan Giggs' sex life has helped a man in Rochdale ease his false teeth in.

Pensioner Albert Nonce, 69, has been complaining for months to anyone who would listen that his dentures were "playing up".

But after reading a newspaper story about Ryan Giggs to his wife Enid over a plate of Black Pudding, Albert's problems seems to be receding.

The tongue twisting headline from The Sun, which reads: "GIGGS BROTHER CHEATED ON WIFE WHILE WIFE CHEATED ON HIM WITH GIGGS", has 'done the trick' for Albert's loose gums.

The normally tight lipped Northerner has been telling neighbour Doris Batty how voicing the lines non stop has changed his life for the better: "My false teeth have stopped squeaking".

The Rochdale Echo has published a letter from Mr Nonce telling other false teeth wearers about his new jaw exercises:

"The more I repeat the lines the better my teeth fit. I am up to 150 a times a day now. I can't thank The Sun enough."

The pensioner's wife Enid is also grateful to the Manchester United footballer:

"Albert is getting along much better with his dentures now. Having a new 'interest' has taken 20 years off him".

Spritely Mr Nonce, who runs the George Formby Appreciation Society in his spare time, has even turned the lines into a song. He hopes to give a rendition, accompanied by his Ukelele, at the forthcoming Rochdale Working Man's Club Dinner and Dance.

Albert's elder brother Norman Nonce, who is profoundly deaf, is possibly the only local not to have had his ear bashed by Albert's ditty. But he told a woman in a shop:

"Lots of folk are fed up with Albert going on and on about Ryan Giggs but he has stopped thpraying me with thpit every time we play Shove Ha'penny. So some good has come out of it for me too".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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