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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The 750,000 person co-ordinated strike action public sector workers are preparing to take part in later this month over pension changes, job cuts and a pay freeze are likely to have absolutely no impact on their overall level of output during this period, according to a performance review panel.

Departments such as the Benefits and Welfare and the Courts Service are preparing to highlight just how little they do in making a meaningful contribution to British society with their action likely to serve to merely flag their availability for redundancy.

The Chairman of the panel Roger Mee said public sector employees were entering a lottery where the balls would never be drawn in their favour.

He told reporters, 'Its a high risk strategy.'

'One would expect in such circumstances that the cogs of government would cease turning but some rudimentary research suggests their overall contribution to the running of this country amounts to one of the most expensive, long winded lunch breaks ever encountered.'

'I mean these guys waltz in at half ten, and begin preparing for lunch at around 11.30 before finally deciding to go to the pub for three hours at around 1.30 before returning at 4.30 to waste a further hour deciding what time they should leave at.'

'If they were really worried about their jobs, they would just shut up and concentrate on dodging the bullets from George Osbornes semi-automatic.'

HRMC Officer Mike Offal disputed the panels findings.

'We're rushed off our feet.'

'Never have we worked so hard to screw the little man for every penny he's got whilst rolling the red carpet out for the high earners.'

'It's really quite enjoyable.'

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