In amazingly wonderful news, all those involved in the disgusting situation in Northern Ireland are going to try and sort it out without behaving like stupid and extremely dangerous schoolboys.
In what has come as an incredible shock, all parties involved in solving the NI problem have decided they're actually going to stop killing people, shake hands and get on with their own lives. Those with deep-rooted beliefs are being told to just 'get over it', because apparently life is 'too-short'.
Indeed, the number of people who have died because of NI has come up on our calculator screen as: "Error: Number too large".
The IRA is supposedly preparing to bomb the crap out of anyone it cares to, in response to the news.