Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Scores of guests at a holiday camp in Bognor Regis, Sussex, have come down with a dose of crabs.

The dose swept through the popular resort as it was packed with 5000 holidaymakers and staff.

Bosses have ordered an immediate deep cleaning and disinfecting operation and have offered guests the chance to switch to other camps in Minehead and Skegness.

According to local Bognor GP, Doctor Roger Littlewinkle, the dose of crabs was caused by handling an infected rope in the traditional Tug of War event:

"It is just a side effect of gripping the rope too tightly. There might be a mild burning sensation but it passes after a few days. Some ladies also hold the rope between their legs and that can encourage the virus".

But Fred and Rita Plebb, on holiday from Cockfosters, both came down with the dose of crabs and claim not to have taken part in the Tug of War.

Instead,the Plebbs blame an excessively cheerful Pinkcoat for spreading the outbreak:

"The Pinkcoat insisted we all to join in the chorus while he was singing 'I've got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts'. He wouldn't take no for an answer".

The Pinkcoat, who cannot be named, is also believed to have encouraged other "fun activities" in empty Chalets.

Pensioner, Ethel Nonce, who also caught a dose of crabs, told an interested bystander:
"There used to be announcements over the tannoy that there would be 'hanky panky' in Chalet 69 in twenty minutes".

Ethel's husband, Eric Nonce, who is treasurer of "The Ordinary Folk Against Porn Society" in Dorking, has complained to bosses: "I have been coming to Bognor for 40 years and this is very irritating".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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