Written by Deafo
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Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Andy Murray's preparations for Wimbledon have been thrown in to disarray after the Scotsman followed up a tournaments worth of lawn grass tennis at Queens club with an unusually strange arrangement which saw him lifting a trophy in what appeared desperately close to genuine triumph.

Murray's mother is said to be deeply concerned that the worrying development will leave British tennis' flag-bearer woefully short of the mental strength that will be needed to pick himself up off the floor once he has dashed the hopes and dreams of those Brits foolish enough to believe he has a chance of securing a first major win for the UK since Fred Perry.

Mrs Murray told reporters outside Queens club that she was exasperated at the performance and behaviour of her wayward young son.

She said, 'The whole purpose of the weeks leading up to Wimbledon, and Queens in particular, is to prepare for the conditions that will await you during the course of that tournament, and lifting a trophy high above his head in victory is most certainly not the conditions that await my Andy.'

'He would have been much better served with a limp display of impetuous behaviour, rifling ball after ball into the net in frustration whilst moaning and groaning to himself in broad Scottish tones before trooping off court with his head bowed following a embarrassing from any player within the top 16.'

'Practice makes perfect after all.'

Tim Henman was quick to offer his advice to the Scotsman.


'Can't help you there, it's just not practical in terms of preparation.'

'Losing repeatedly as soon as a modicum of pressure is exerted?'

'I'm your man.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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