Written by Lady Godiva
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Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Newby Isle of Wight New Police Training unveiled which includes Susan Boyle and Lady Gaga
Lady Godiva's brother at work

Police officers on The Isle of Wight are being sent on a strange training course that uses clips of singers Lady Gaga and Susan Boyle to explain issues surrounding equality and diversity to staff.

Those in attendance also have to listen to a variety of very clever Spoofs about footballers so they can better understand how to combat prejudice, and sexual deviants.

In a session about minority groups the staff see images of sheep-shaggers, toe-suckers and those who over-masticate their food as well as images of drunken Spoofers face-down on their keyboards.

The equality sessions have been devised by Newby Police on the Isle of Wight, a region which is mainly rural but includes the small town of Pottington.

The day-long course includes a session on 'stereotyping, prejudice and assumptions' which, naturally, involves staff watching a clip of Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent in 2009.

Participants are reminded that judges did initially write off Susan's chances of 'placing in the top three' based only on her appearance. When she opened her mouth.....Wow!

Participants are then told not to make judgements about people based on first impressions unless that person is obviously foreign or Welsh.

The same session also requires staff to listen to a sixty-minute fairy story called The Spoofers of Yore, which is about the rivalry between a jaded Spoofer and a new Spoofer named Lady Godiva.

Last night, Conservative MP Philip Davies said: 'The courses sound drivel - a combination of the blindingly obvious with the utterly ridiculous.

We have a situation where forces claim they have no money for proper policing but at the same time they spend thousands on equality and diversity projects.'

Newby Police said the course was mainly for civilian staff really and to provide some fresh material for a Spoof writer.

A spokesman added: 'These initiatives are not about being politically correct but about being humorous. We MUST laugh at ourselves on a regular basis or life will be soooooooo very boring'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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