Aged rocker Paul McCartney has saved the Earth from almost certain destruction after he beamed a song from his latest album into space. NASA reported on Sunday that their scanners had detected a large alien invasion force amassing behind one of the moons of (insert childish planet name here). However as soon as the former national treasure started up a rendition of his new release "English Tea" reports came through that the aliens had turned tail and fled ‘at great speed'.
With little or no regard for their own safety two astronauts aboard the International Space Station bravely agreed to risk their lives and receive the transmission from the wrinkly ex-Beatle, in a last-ditch bid to fight off the marauding extra-terrestrials. A NASA insider said:
"We'd managed to slow down the invasion by using repeated bursts of the last Rolling Stones record. Unfortunately the aliens must have built up an immunity to it like the rest of us. We did consider beaming a Ben Affleck movie to the mother ship but apparently that would be against the Geneva Convention."
The fearless spacemen slowly built up to their terrifying ordeal by listening to short excerpts from the Wings L.P. "Band on the Run" over a period of several days in a carefully controlled environment. After the successful operation the courageous duo were said to be shaken, but not hurt by their ordeal:
"They said ‘in space no-one can hear you scream'" remarked a NASA official, "but we definitely heard both of them screaming soon after the first verse of Macca's song had started."
McCartney, who's deceased former wife was unavailable to contribute to the concert, is now reputed to be negotiating a deal with the U.S. administration to drop copies of his new CD into insurgent strongholds in Iraq. This has prompted condemnation from goody-two-shoes human rights organisation Amnesty International:
"Need we remind you that listening to anything Mr McCartney has released after 1971 constitutes a very real and serious health risk. Anyone exposed to such material is likely to suffer terribly and we therefore cannot condone its proposed use by the American military."