Written by IainB
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Saturday, 11 June 2011

image for Olympic Torch design revealed
The new Olympic torch

Seb Coe has displayed the new design for the Olympic Torch to the world. The new design was meant to convey the great history of the competition, be light enough to carry on the five thousand round trip, and sturdy enough to survive the countless times it will be dropped.

"We're a bit disappointed with the result, to be brutally honest," Sir Lord Doctor Coe BSc said. "It looks like they've taken a cheese grater and sprayed it gold."

The torch will carry the flame that has never been extinguished, except for in 1984 when they couldn't light the LA torch. And again in 2008 when Beijing hadn't paid the gas bill. And again in 2000 when it was used as a barbecue. And in 1967, which wasn't an Olympic year.

"I'm also a little disappointed by the flame mechanism," said Coe. "It's a disposable lighter."

Further more, it is difficult to hold.

"There's no handle," said Coe. "People will be running with a gold plated cheese grater. We'll need to give the torch bearers gloves. That's an expense we hadn't catered for. We might have to miss out on Weston Super-Mare."

The designer of the torch was designed by Tracey Emin.

"Yeah," she admitted. "They gave me the brief back in 2009. I couldn't be arsed designing anything until last week when they rang me up and asked where it was. I was grating some cheese at the time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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