Written by Deafo
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Topics: Pregnancy, water, drought

Saturday, 11 June 2011

image for Expectant mothers to form 'labour camps' across drought hit UK
An Ealing Council 'barrell'

Expectant mothers waiting to give birth are to be deployed at various drought hit locations across England in 'labour camps' to fully utilise the vital output of mother minge's waters breaking, according to reports.

The unseasonably dry weather is leading councils to turn to new ways of not doing their jobs properly with drought affected boroughs to be attended by teams of inscrutably pregnant women to crouch in eight-hour shifts until divulging their biological sprinkler the latest to demonstrate the fact.

Farmers in particular are being encouraged to engage pregnant women to harness the power of bush water by placing one in every corner of every one of their fields to let nature irrigate the land when the employee finally goes into labour.

Ealing Councillor Tiffany Drake told reporters, 'This is a delightfully simple method of exploiting the circumstances of a small portion of the general public to cover up the misdeeds of our inadequate provisioning for a blindingly obvious problem.'

'I mean, you'd think that if you were given advance warning that at some point on a night out you were to randomly make a heinous mess down the back of your pants, you'd probably wear a nappy.'

'In this case our nappy is being worn directly after the event, but no matter, it will remove some of the debris.'

'Desperate times call for desperate ideas and we have one right here.'

One of the first pregnant women to be on location was Leila Part who said she had experienced great discomfort during the course of her eight-hour shift.

'It was extremely hard work, with the farmer continually prompting me to get on with it.'

'One has to remember I was drinking for two throughout my shift.'

'I became part of the problem.'

'When he asked me to fertilise the land to make up for it, I quit.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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