Written by Ho Lee Crap
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Thursday, 9 June 2011

image for Cameron challenges Williams to pissing contest
Archbishop Rowan Willams

David Cameron today sought to pour oil on the waters following Archbishop Rowan Williams' outburst whilst guest-editing The Spectator, Britain's biggest subscription-based voyeur magazine.

'We all have a right to express our political views' said Cameron, 'just so long as they're expressed outside of the Conservative Party'.

In reaction to Williams' vitriolic attack on the harsh public spending policies imposed by the coalition government, Cameron gave the impression the attack was largely due to Williams' mis-understanding of Britain's current financial plight.

'The trouble with people of his type' explained Cameron, 'is that they're used to having their loaves and fishes and eating them. But as any sensible person realises, the cost of every day basic necessities such as caviar, gold-top milk and Marks and Spencer's Extra Chocolatey biscuits isn't going down. There are many families in this country today that are struggling, yes struggling to keep that second car on the road. There are even those who have had to cancel their subscription to Sky's Leisure package.'

In his editorial, the Archbishop claimed the government was simply out of touch with the man on the street and with current public feeling. 'He should have more compassion for people. It's through religious example like that of the clergy that society is touched, public interest felt and measured. Perhaps more so in the Catholic Church than others though the Mormons are doing their bit too.'

The Archbishop also suggested the alliance was too quick to suggest Britain's current woes were down to mis-stewardship of the economy by Gordon Brown.

'He has a point', admitted Cameron. 'We were subjected every year to Brown's smug little chant of 'an end to boom and bust under the Conservatives'. And yes Labour did put an end to that... under them it was just bust.'

Rowan Williams also implied that the public were being subjected to cuts through a government that nobody elected.

'He's one to talk about unelected officials' added Cameron, 'I don't recall Pilate ever going into a booth a putting a cross against Jesus'.

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