Written by Steddyeddy
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Topics: Birmingham, Begging

Thursday, 9 June 2011

image for British beggars go on the rampage and threaten to strike
The Secretary of State for Begging refuses to listen

In a hastily drawn-up statement written on the back of an old copy of the Big Issue, the BABS (British Association of Beggars and Scroungers) announced that it could no longer take responsibility for its members actions.

Earlier this morning, a group of British beggars went on the rampage in Birmingham's New Street station, washing themselves and their clothes in the public sinks, using soap and liberally spraying themselves with deodorant, and in one tragic case, bypassing a pub where they normally go to spend "people's spare change for a cup of tea" to visit the New Street Tea Rooms to actually "buy a cup of tea".

Birmingham BABS representatives Oonagh Tidee and Jay Zusyoostinque said that British beggars were no longer prepared to accept the influx of beggars from Romania, Moldova, Serbia, Croatia and other Eurovision song contest-fixing countries, who were filling the streets and taking over established British beggars' pitches.

They added that while British beggars are content with a polite refusal when they ask for "change for a cup of tea", some of the far eastern Europeans threaten their refusals with torture, aggravated assault and the selling of children into 20 hour a day slavery at fashion shoe factories in the far east.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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