Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 9 June 2011

image for Shoppers Left Unmoved By Elephant Rampage
A Proper Elephant - Named Eddie

A rampaging elephant is something that shoppers don't often encounter in Manchester's Arndale Centre, but that's exactly what happened this morning.

A rogue elephant rampaged around the malls, charged shoppers, headbutted plate glass windows, overturned litter bins and tried to terrorise a coffee bar before sitting down for a rest.

However, shoppers in the area were unimpressed by the rampage, going about their business as usual and ignoring the rampaging beast.

"It wasn't a proper elephant," shopper Maisie McCluskey chuckled. "It was just two lads or something dressed up in a pantomime elephant suit. It didn't even look real."

Upon hearing about the elephant rampage, security guards at the Arndale ran away sharpish and locked themselves in an office.

"We don't get paid to deal with elephants," one told us through the locked door. "This is Manchester, not Mumbai. We're not trained to deal with that sort of thing. Has it gone yet?"

One report had an elderly man attempting to feed the 'elephant' a banana, or possibly it may have been a plantain. The elephant supposedly ran off.

Police marksmen and a vet with a rifle and tranquilliser darts were not called, and according to eye witnesses, the elephant split in half, revealing two student types, who were later seen getting into a transit van in a nearby street.

Laughing.

Along with a third student type carrying a digital video camera.

Video footage of the incident will probably be posted on You Tube within the next couple of hours.

With the rest of the 'hilarious' amateur crap.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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